Finding Friends

Definition of friend according to Merriam-Webster:

friend, n.

• a person who you like and enjoy being with
• a person who helps or supports someone or something (such as a cause or charity)

Being a stay at home, and a homeschooling mom, has made friendships both easier and more challenging.  What do you do if you really like someone but your kids do not mesh, or what happens if the problem is just the opposite? I have been blessed with an amazing group of friends, and a fantastic peer group. That said, there are times when I feel like a fish out of water. I have friends with kids in school who work and I find it hard to spend time with, or even common topics, but we still care about each other.  We support each other to the best of our abilities.  

Still, in any group (kids or adults) you will have differences of personality or opinion. So what do you do? Here is what I do: I try to be polite to everyone. I am acutely aware that some people do not like me.  I feel it, and have even had to hear it.  Mostly I try to smile and do my thing.  If you like me, great!  If not, we are grown people and we can be nice to each other, especially if our kids are playmates.  Yet, it is much harder than it sounds. Having a party with “all” my friends, means a diverse crowd.  People from all walks of life-both ends of the political and financial spectrum-with so many varied backgrounds. We make the term “melting pot” look boring.  I see it more like a stew.  Not everyone likes lima beans, or peas, but mostly we can all agree on a rich broth.

There are people I consider friends who I know don’t reciprocate and I have chosen to be okay with that.  With some people I interact, I am cordial to, but we are not friends.  Sometimes, the differences can be chalked up to just life; other times, it’s not enough shared common ground, still I am friendly.  The diversity in any given group, and especially a secular homeschool group, often has the unfortunate problem of having someone who does not like someone else, or there is an issue and a divide where people pick sides. To me it seems like we are all grown up enough to find a way to get through any issues- to be polite and to move on.  

That said, I have been in a circumstance where I have had to leave a group because of a personality clash, where I was not part of the “clique”. As a result I am acutely aware of feeling like an outsider. One that does not “belong”.  To this end, I try to reach out and embrace anyone new in our circles.  Even if we do not end up being the best of friends, it is my hope that we can be friendly, and that they felt welcomed by someone.  We are all human and all deserve respect and common courtesy.

Posted By

Heather Garcia