Support II

 

How to deal with the unsupportive.

So you have decided to homeschool, your family and friends have given you the third degree, and you feel like you are on an island alone.  Here are some tips I have found helpful in dealing with unsupportive family and friends.  

• Don’t get defensive.  I know this is hard but these people do not live your life. Take a deep breath and remember this is a decision that is deeply personal and not everyone will be walking in the homeschool parade.

• Bring out the names of famous homeschooled kids:

• Lewis Carroll (b. 1832), mathematician, logician, and author of Alice in Wonderland. Carroll was homeschooled until he was 12.
• Astra Taylor Canadian-American documentary film-maker, writer, musician. unschooled until age 13.
• Theodore Roosevelt (b. 1858), 26th President of the United States, homeschooled until college.
• Ernst Mach, Austrian physicist, homeschooled until high school by his parents.
• Come up with more on your own!

• Know the facts.

• “A 2011 small-sample study led by Sandra Martin-Chang of Concordia University* and using Canadian participants, found that “structured homeschooling” – where clear education goals are set and structured lessons in the form of either purchased curricula or self-made lesson plans (or a combination of the two) – produced academic performances much better than those achieved by same-level students in public school.  Specifically, in five of seven test areas (word identification, phonic decoding, science, social science, humanities) structured homeschoolers tested at least one grade level ahead of public schoolers.  They were almost a half-a-year ahead in math, and slightly, but not significantly, advanced in reading comprehension.”
• “The Huffington Post Teen page for 3/28/15 cites a U.S. News and World Report article published in 2012 based on statistics provided by the National Home Education Research Institute.  These statistics indicate that more than 2 million U.S. students in grades K-12 were home-schooled in 2010, accounting for nearly four percent of all school-aged children.  The same Huffington Post page notes that, according to a study that compared graduation rates at one doctoral university from 2004-2009, students coming from a home school graduated college at a higher rate than their peers­ — 66.7 percent compared to 57.5 percent — and earned higher grade point averages along the way (Cogan, Michael; “Exploring Academic Outcomes of Homeschooled Students,” University of St. Thomas, 2009).”

• Take a deep breath and smile.

• I have smiled and laughed off so many misguided comments it is not even funny, but remember being defensive and upset only affects you.  The offending party usually just goes on about their business.
• Remember, anything they have to say is reflective of their issue, not yours.

• Remind them this was not a rash decision

• This is not a decision most make lightly and it is hurtful to have it questioned. But taking the time to remind “helpful” friends and family that this path is the one you thought best for your child can close a lot of detractors’ mouths.

• Walk away

• Sometimes the best thing you can do is let go of an unhealthy, unsupportive relationship. This is not easy or fun, and the hurt can last a long time. Remember that relationships are built on trust and respect.  If it is lacking in those things maybe it’s best to put some space between you and the issue.

• Find like-minded people

• We are living in an age where homeschooling is becoming more mainstream. You can find any number of support groups or co-ops to help you.  There are secular and religious groups.  Either or both are great ways to make friends and have a supportive system.

Remember that most of the negative comments are made from a place of honest concern or love and I usually say thanks for your thoughts but I have that covered, or I understand your concern but this is important to me and my family.  

Really it is all worth it at the end of the day, and you get to see your child live to his/her full potential because you made a choice to take a harder road.

Posted by

Heather Garcia